In Pursuit of Trinkets

I laugh at capitalism.
The ridiculous scramble for material goods...the relentless rat race...the new car, the new raise, always scrambling for more.

Humanity, our individual greatness and potential, reduced to one ugly label: consumers. Human no more.

As I sat at my school's award ceremony, playing as part of the orchestra, I saw dozens of my peers receive academic distinguishments, from valedictorian to various specific subject awards. I remember being one of them last year, Junior Year, yet this year senioritis had struck. No awards for me.

As I watched them march across the stage, I realized jealousy had emerged within me. I've always been competitive- and I like to win. This time, I didn't, and I was jealous. Jealous, not because anybody on that stage knew or had learned anymore than I did- but because they were getting awards and I wasn't.

Then I realized my own hypocrisy. I'm no different than the foolish consumer I mock. Except I yearn for,  absolutely crave for, awards, and letters of merit, and recognition of my skills, and pieces of paper with my name written on it. I consume just as anyone else in the rat race- yet I collect accolades and titles, in the name of "competition."

When I'm dying, I won't be thinking back on my awards and titles. I will be thinking back on what has always mattered- NOT the accolades. But what I did to receive them.

In the competition, I had forgotten that learning and growing were more important than measley recognition. I realized I was buying into our system just as much as anyone else, being the good little boy striving to do well so I can have my cookie (the award). Marx was right about education- we are dulled, channelled, into aiming for unimportant awards and distinguishments, instead of following our minds wherever they lead us. Why should I be jealous of these awards? Simply because I'm addicted to competition, to winning, to consuming awards. I've joined the rat race. As I grow, it will extend from awards to job positions, to social positions, to having a bigger house, and a bigger car. I was veering towards the same life I loathe.

Instead, I decided I would change my life up a bit. I would certainly compete- with the me of yesterday. I will be my own rival. I will gain knowledge for myself, and my goals. The accolades are secondary, I will not let them rule me. I will not be a consumer.

This is my life, not yours.